I’ve heard that when people approach the end of life, their priorities become very clear. They realize that many things that seemed significant in the past aren’t that important after all. They spend the time they have left with loved ones, and they reflect on the lasting legacy they’ll be leaving behind.
My oldest son is now a high school junior and, in some ways, I find myself thinking along the same lines. Thankfully he’s just moving on to the next stage of life, but to me it feels like the end of an era.
I find my priorities becoming more clear. Things that I recall being very worried about in the past don’t matter in the slightest now. For example, I remember being wracked with mom-guilt when…
- I used cloth diapers for him, but not cloth wipes (oh the horror!)
- He didn’t stick with t-ball and never joined a baseball team
- He failed a 4th grade spelling quiz
- I sometimes let him skip math problems if he already understood the lesson
- His clothes often didn’t match because we let him dress himself in elementary school
- He never learned Latin or karate though it seemed like everyone around us was
Now that he’s working, driving, and going on college visits, my frame of mind is shifting. We’ve got a year and a half left before he graduates and our status quo changes. While I definitely don’t have parenting all figured out, I can say with the benefit of hindsight and perspective that these are the types of things that DO matter…
- Faith & Solid Worldview – is he thoughtfully investigating what he believes and why
- Quality Character – is he a person of integrity (honest, respectful, responsible, kind, etc)
- Emotional Intelligence – can he self-regulate, show empathy, and manage his emotions
- Love of Learning – can he ask questions, find answers, and implement ideas
- Creativity & Resourcefulness – can he solve problems and get things done
- Good Choices – does he choose his friends, actions, and words wisely
- Delayed Gratification – does he demonstrate self-control and long-term thinking
- Resilience – does he overcome difficulties and have a can-do attitude
I still wonder: Have I prepared him fully? But, what does that even mean? Is anyone ever “fully” prepared for the unknown that lies ahead of them? There’s really no such thing.
But, as adults, we know what skills have been useful to us in our own lives. So, at the very least, we can begin there. We can focus on what we do know will likely help our kids rather than worrying about the “gaps” and bits of information we may miss (because there will always be “gaps” and that’s ok).
In this last season before his graduation, I find myself honing in on these practical things now that the rubber is about to meet the road…
- Character Training – responsibility and dependability, and valuing one’s reputation
- Family Traditions – building memories, re-telling family stories, explaining our traditions
- Life Skills Training – Adulting 101 (how to change a tire, do your taxes, make dinner, etc)
- Healthy Life Habits – sleep patterns, healthy eating, exercise, balancing work and play
- Relational Skills – manners, how to interact with bosses, professors, and the ladies
- Future Goals – researching careers, colleges, scholarships, long-term life goals
We can’t know what challenges will face them in the future. We can’t train them to do jobs that don’t exist yet using technologies that have yet to be invented. We can’t guarantee they’ll make all the right choices. It’s true that there’s a lot parents can’t do…
…But we CAN try to raise them up in the way they should go. We CAN commit to keep trying and learning from our mistakes. We CAN model growth and good character traits in increasing measure – not despite our imperfections but because of them.
I share these thoughts not as an expert but as a fellow mom in the trenches. Lessons learned from others have been so valuable to me over the years. I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to you wherever you are on your parenting journey!
Prioritize the truly important things!
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One of the main things that has helped my family make time for the priorities in life has been our decision to homeschool. If you’ve ever thought about homeschooling but don’t see how you could ever make it work, I know how you feel! I encourage you to read my book, Think About Homeschooling, as you consider whether home education might be the next step for your family. You can find out more here or order Think About Homeschooling here today!
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